let me brood, annoying sun
by Dan G. Panterita
Summary: A series of ficlets, drabbles and maybe one-shots centered on the KaixMax pairing, because my soul needs it BADLY. Plus, witty title in lowercases because apparently it is a "thing". Rating varies between each other.
1. I want you, Say It

**Disclaimer: I don't own beyblade.**

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This was taken from the "smut prompts" but is not a proper smut I think since it's not very explicit and everything is mentioned as best as I can (smut is hard for me, and writing smut in english is even harder :c).

Anyway, the entirety of this series goes for my friend and beta "silentGambler" because we feed each other with headcanons and prompts about these two, that it simply become unbearable not to write them down. And as I said: WE NEED THEM BADLY!

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 **01\. I want you. Say it.**

They are in the middle of it. Max is kissing Kai's body, chest, belly, everything! The pale skin shivers with every touch, kiss and lick in anticipation to Max's path on his body. Max is by his navel when the words escape his mouth in his reverie.

"You have no idea how much I want you"

Max cannot believe his luck, how perfect and marvelous is that Kai is there with him, willingly and after so much...

"Say it"

Max stops abruptly, his actions and thoughts.

Kai never speaks, he moans, groans and bites, but never speaks. And now that he did, that's so not his normal voice. It sounds wrong. He is not demanding, he is not being cocky, not even seductive.

When he looks up to Kai he is not looking at him but at the ceiling, his head thrown back, his body tense, waiting...

"Kai?"

"Say it."

He is not going to elaborate, and Max wonders for just one second what he means, until he sees how his head shifts a little so he can see his eyes.

And Max simply obliges and starts talking. Between kisses and caresses. And just to make sure he gets it, he is a little rougher, biting and leaving marks on his hips, on his tights and inside them.

Kai never asks for anything and if he does, damn he needs it badly. It took him a long time to give in to his own desires. Even if it's something as simple as being reassured he is wanted.

He doesn't speak again.


	2. Stuffed Animals

**Disclaimer: and I still don't own beyblade.**

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 _"I know they're just stuffed animals but doesn't it feel weird? It's like they are watching us."_

-Established relationship.  
-Mentions of sex (they are in the middle of it).

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If there's anything that Kai may hate about Max, it would be the way he can get distracted at the worst moments possible. It didn't happen often, normally he can really focus on the task at hand (be it beyblade, cooking, homework, blow…, you know how it goes). But there's a tiny little chance that, sometimes, he lets his mind wandered off and then he is completely gone. Keyword being "lets", because it requires Max to allow it, otherwise it won't happen. Like right now.

Kai is not the jealous type, nor some clingy _partner_ (because he would never say lover or boyfriend or whatever) who needs to be pampered or receive attention 24/7. However, **he is** a really one-track-minded person, and someone who doesn't like distractions when he is in the middle of any activity, be it beyblade, homework or… well, you know how it goes.

"Max, do I want to know what you are looking at?"

Normally, any sort of talk happens before or after, never in between, at least not from him. Kai always gets to the point; Max not so much and can be very chatty. Right now he wasn't, and Kai didn't mind the silence, at least not as much as the fact that Max keep staring somewhere behind Kai. And being left half-fucked was not a comfortable experience.

"Huh?"

"What are you looking at?" he repeated, annoyed.

Kai knew the place by memory, the only thing behind him was the closet, nothing more, and as far as he knew, it was closed.

Then the blonde (finally) looked down, smiling sheepishly at him. Either he was sorry for not paying attention to the task, or he genuinely felt like he had been caught doing something "wrong".

"The closet door is ajar."

Kai stared at him; honestly, if this was any other situation then ok, be cryptic, elaborate your sentences and then finally reveal the answer I asked in the first place, it's annoying yes, but that's how you roll, I get it. But not now when Max is inside him and Kai is still eager (no, he's not going to admit it out loud) for the next thrust.

"And?"

"I can see my stuffed animals in there, their faces toward us."

Kai didn't even dare to dignify that observation with an answer.

"I know they're just stuffed animals but doesn't it feel weird?" he said tilting his head and frowning confused at the animals. "It's like they are watching us."

God give him patience.

"Get off."

That took Max's attention, making him look down at him, alarmed.

"Wait, Kai…"

"Get off, Max."

The blond sighed, defeated, and pulled out of him. He was genuinely regretting his slip now. But what was done, was done. However, Kai didn't go to pick up his clothes as he thought he would, instead he just walked over, closed the door of the closet and went back to him.

"Lay down."

Max didn't even protest or ask why, that was Kai's "order" voice and he knew better than to question it.

"Now what?"

"Now we have privacy."

Max smiled despite of himself. Ok, maybe it wasn't that bad, he still got Kai to ride him.


	3. That day

**Disclaimer: Beyblade isn't mine (yet).**

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I'm gonna be honest and say that I didn't expect a review. Thanks dear Guest :D I'm glad you enjoyed the last two stories. I hope you enjoy this one as well.

Also thanks again to my dear friend SilentGambler who always check on my stuff to see that its decent to be read.

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Max doesn't exactly remember what but he knows something did happen that day. He knows it in the way Kai speaks, moves and looks at him, but also in the way he stays still and silent, and "not looking". He is trying. Kai doesn't try something, he always makes it happen. The only reason he is trying to be normal is because it actually affects him more than he thinks it should.

Kai is stubborn like that.

It might be less than six months since their started whatever they have, but Max has known him longer than that, and honestly, he is the easiest to read. So he lets him be for the time being.

Sadly for Kai, that day happens to be a Saturday and there's not a lot he can do that day that can take off his mind from whatever is troubling him. Max really tries to help him.

"Have you done your homework?" he asked from his place in the kitchen at his place. Kai had stayed the night and his father was at the store. He was washing the dishes from breakfast.

"Done already." he said, his voice almost too far-off, but again, he was trying to sound like he was there.

"Wanna make lunch with me?"

Even if he wasn't looking, he could feel his stare on his back.

"Aren't we going to Tyson's house and meet the others?"

"True that. What about making out with me?"

Honestly he was joking with that one, because if Kai had some sort of internal struggle, the last thing he'll want is Max all over him. Not because he doesn't trust him, but because Kai has this thing where, whatever is troubling him, it needs to be dealt with at its core by himself first. Either that or he was going to lash out in frustration to the closest person if he cannot resolve it, and right now the closest one to him was Max. The blond didn't care, it was part of Kai, but Kai really did care.

SO he was genuinely surprise when Kai didn't answer immediately, or, at all. Max turned around and found him looking directly at him, with that look that can pierce your soul and not smiling at all. The "I do want you a lot but I'm unable to speak out loud about my wants and needs without feeling like an idiot" look.

Max simply smiled, washed his hand with water from the faucet, dried them and went over to the couch. Kai didn't move, waited for him (he always did), and Max simple straddled him, cupped his head with his hands and kissed him fully on the lips. However, Kai hands weren't on him; they were probably still at his sides, limp on the couch, so whatever was going on was serious. He kept kissing him, the type of kiss where you just want to play with the lips and make it feel sweet and good, the type of kissing that can be comforting.

When he pulled away from Kai, he saw him, his eyelids half close. But he wasn't smiling, he was just staring at him.

"You know."

Max smiled sadly at him.

"I do." he confirmed and Kai closed his eyes and threw his head back. "I don't know what exactly, but I know something happened."

He snapped back, and Max flinched. But he didn't looked offended or angry, he just looked— it was hard to pinpoint.

"You don't."

"I know it's important enough to make you pretend that you are here when you are not. I just didn't want to be too nosy. I trusted that you would eventually tell me if it was thaaaat serious."

Kai looked to the side. Max pursed his lips, concerned.

"I didn't even know if I wanted to tell you. I've never had to tell anyone before. But now you are here."

"You don't have to tell me if you are not ready." he reassured. He can wait for Kai, ha can stand his ways and his mannerism because honestly, that just made the moments when he was open and free with his emotions more precious.

"It's not life-treatening. Or dangerous, just—" Kai seems to be thinking, and Max can see in his eyes how he is trying to be honest, to put name to his emotions. He wants to tell him and he can wait. "It's about…"

And then it sort of hits Max.

There's only one thing that can still haunt him like this. The abbey was completely done for; Voltaire too. The mess at their first championship was one of those mistakes that one makes as a stupid teenager and later on talks about it as "that time when I grew up", and whatever happened againts Brooklyn and with BEGA was not so emotionally intense to have him in this state right now, because he grew from it, he improved and proved he was better than anything life can throw at him.

There was only one left. Something that didn't change, that even now he couldn't change.

Kai looked at him when he heard his little gasp of realization.

"It's about Wyatt, right?"

And his face told him everything. He paled, and even with his mouth closed Max still knew it went dry, like the biggest secret he had was out and he was completely exposed.

"How?"

Max ruffled his hair, and then let his hand slide to the back of his head, pulling him closer so he could put his forehead against his with his eyes closed, and Kai simply let him. Because he just needed whatever Max wanted to give him.

"Because is the one thing you can never best." he said simply. "Every hardship in your life, you have conquered and come out alive, a survivor and a winner. That's why they are in the past. But not him."

"I didn't want to bother you." he said simply, his breath againts his lips, his voice softer, but still on edge. His body tense.

"You're not." he said simply. He separated himself from Kai, and looked at his already open eyes. "It was today, right? When he… he…"

"Died, yes. It was today."

"And you have dealt with this for the past 5 years?"

Kai didn't answer that. So, that was enough. Max took his head in his hands again, and stared at him directly.

"Look, I sort of know why you didn't want to tell us. And I know we didn't notice since you always take days off form our company." Max rolled his eyes at that but went back to him. "But, dude, right now? Right now you don't have to hide anything from me. I would never think you're weak for that. He is important, and I get that, he affects you in ways that maybe you think you shouldn't be feeling. But it's not true, it's normal. He was your friend after all. You are allowed to feel bad about him, Kai. And I know for certain that, wherever he is, he is happy that you cared enough to avenge him and still think of him.

With that he stood up, and went to finish washing the dishes. Because after all that talk about emotions, feelings, and how it's important to live them, Max knew Kai needed his alone time, or he would get overwhelmed and would rationalize anything. As much as Kai was a passionate blader he was also a rational person.

He didn't speak again though, not until later, when they were heading to Tyson's house and he asked him about taking a detour. Max said he didn't mind and when Kai goes to buy flowers, he didn't ask about them either. He just let him guide him to the graveyard.

They were late when they finally arrived at the house, and when the others asked, Kai simply answered.

"We were visiting a friend."


	4. We have to tell them

**Disclaimer: beyblade isn't mine.**

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This last month had been crazy! But now I'm free (sort of). Thanks again to the wonderful guest for your review! I really appreciate it 3. I hope you like this one as well.

Also, thanks to SilentGambler for checking on this, and my friend Suigin Walker, for the prompt.

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" _Time to make things official with our friends."_

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"We have to tell them."

Kai doesn't respond but Max knows he heard him. He turns his head to watch him lying on the grass, the random leaf he picked on his mouth, moving gently in the breeze, and his facial expression would be serene if weren't for the slight frown in it.

Max sighs.

"I know you are a private person, but it feels weird to hide something from them. It's not like they are going to judge us, you know."

Kai lets the leaf go and opens his eyes, staring at Max. He is thinking it through, he knows it.

"You really want to?"

"You don't."

Of course it's not a question, there's something about telling the rest of the team about them that's not right with Kai. Max knows it. But if he is pushing it's not because he wants to reveal their secret, but because he wants to know why.

Kai is deep in thought, not staring at Max anymore but somewhere up in the sky, far from where they are.

"You are not afraid of their reaction, are you?"

Kai frowns again, but just for a second. Even he finds that scenario very unlikely.

"It's not about them." he lets in.

"Then?"

Kai shrugs, which is a very, very rare reaction from him. One that Max only sees when they are alone.

"Never thought I would have to tell something like this."

Max pokes him in the ribs, smile on his lips, "Never thought you would find me?" he says with a goofy grin.

And normally he wouldn't get a big reaction from something like this, maybe just one of those close-mouth sounds that Kai is prone to make from time to time to acknowledge he heard you but an answer is not necessary. However, this time it's not like that at all; he just stares at him, silent and a little bit more intense than before.

And then what's going on sorts of falls into place.

Max moves closer to Kai, arms touching all the way from his now-joint hands up to their shoulders. He even leans his head a little bit more, close enough that he could almost kiss Kai's ear if he wants to. The other boy just slightly tilts his head so he can look at the blond.

"Saying it won't jinx it, you know?"

Kai lets a chuckle escape and looks back at the sky. Max moves closer, snuggling him.

"Whenever I got something remotely good, there was a way for him to take it from me. Except Dranzer, but that was his in a way too."

He feels Kai's thumb moving in the back of his hand, and Max moves his head more into the other's space.

"But he's not here."

"I know."

"But I am." Max gets on his side, never letting his hand go, and using his free hand to turn his head to him and stare into his eyes. "And I'm gonna be here as long as you want me."

Kai doesn't say anything, but squeezes his hand in his.

.

.

.

It happens that when they arrive at the Granger household and Kai tells them "Max and I are dating" while walking past them on his way to the dojo, the only one to yell "WHAT" was Daichi.

"Fucking finally!" was Tyson only response, and the collective thought.


	5. Having been loved by you

**Disclaimer: Beyblade isn't mine.**

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Writing about them is getting harder and harder, mainly because I still cannot get the grasp on them, specially Kai. And even if I'm writing these ficlets to satisfy my fangirl need for my ship, I still think i'm going for the cliché answers/phrases/feels, rather than approaching the prompts based on the characters we love. Does that makes any sense?

But hey! Like I said, I have a fangirl need for them, so, I'm just going to try to keep up with this.

BTW, any prompts ideas? I have already some in mind, but feel free to suggest some, I might do them :D.

Thanks to SilentGambler for checking this one.

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 _"Having been loved by you. I must have been happy."_

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 _´He knows´_ Kai realizes when Max enters to his room, a deep frown on his face and a photograph in his hand that he shouldn't have.

And maybe, he should be happy, he should feel lucky and optimistic but Kai simply wasn't that kind of person. That was Max.

Or used to be.

"Care to explain?" He demands, handing him the photo in his right hand and Kai knows perfectly well which photo was without even looking at it, because there is only one that could have Max in **that** mood, given the recent events.

Yet he takes it.

He takes it because it is the only proof of what he had and was taken away from him. Proof that, for once, he had everything he always wanted.

"It's a picture of us." And was taken away from him.

"It's just not a picture of us." Max says angry, and frustrated. A tone so strange in him, one so foreign from the Max he knew. "Why?"

"You have to be more specific…"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!" he yells.

Kai stays silent.

"You know that I don't know, I don't remember… why didn't you... don't you want me back?"

Oh no, he does. Kai certainly wants Max back, wants his company, his arms around himself, his kisses when they are all alone and there's no one to interrupt them. Kai wants Max more than anything he has ever wanted in his life.

And yet…

"This is not about me."

"Certainly is not, its about us." Max says, crossing his arms over his chest.

"There's no us."

"Just because I don't remember doesn't mean is over."

"But it was."

Max stares at him, perplexed.

"It's better this way. Trust me."

He turns around, ready to leave it like that, to let Max go. His accident and recent amnesia is just the last push both needed to end whatever childish dream they were pretending to have.

"If it's over, then why are you taking the picture?"

 **That** was such a good question that even Kai has to stop and look at it, again.

It had been taken by Hilary, because _"it was the first time I saw you with that smile, I had to! don't be mad."_ And he couldn't be mad because Max loved it. Because Kai doesn't like pictures, at all, and it was Max's birthday, the first one with Kai as his boyfriend. _"The best thing to happen since my last birthday"._ And he kissed him, on the cheek, near the lips. One of those soft, sweet kisses that Max could give and meant the world to him.

They never knew about the picture until Hilary gave it to them. And Max kept it, until the accident and then they (his parents, their friends) decided to hide it.

"You didn't want it to be over." Kai feels a shiver starting in the back of his neck that goes through his spine and then his body. Max's breath is so warm…

"I told you. It's not about me." He holds the picture up, and the other boy takes it from his hand. Or so was the intention, because suddenly Kai feels his hand in his. He turns his head. Max is in no way taller than him, but almost the same height, so he can easily meet his deep blue eyes. And he hates it.

Because you can always tell what Max is thinking by looking into them, and you can tell what he is feeling by the way he is looking at you.

And right now, he is so desperate.

"Was it me? Did I hurt you?"

"No" he shouldn't answer, but how can he not? Max, memory lost or not, deserves everything he asks from him. He owes him that much.

"Was it you?"

"It's better this way."

"No, is not. What happened? You still care, if not you wouldn't be avoiding me."

"We fought."

"That bad?"

"That bad."

And he left, because that's what he does when he is hurting the people he loves the most. Because loneliness is better and familiar. But Max never leaves, he is always there, for everyone, no matter the distance, the conflict or who was it. If you need Max he is gonna be there, even if you don't want him. Even if it's better for him to leave you, he is not gonna do that.

Specially not to Kai.

"Then the accident happen." Max whispers, still holding Kai's hand in his.

"And you know the rest"

It was a car; it hit him, sent him flying a few meters, them he hit the ground. First his body, then his head. That was it. He woke up, and there was no fight, and no friends, no family and definitely no Kai.

It had been 3 months since that.

Max drops his hand.

"If this is how you want it."

No, this is not what he wants. But it was what Max needed; having Kai out of his life.

"Yes"

He hears Max walking away and even if he feels a big relief in his mind, for every step he takes away, the pressure in his chest grew.

Then Max stops, and Kai by instinct turns around. He is holding the doorknob of the door.

"I just…Ii just thought that… I looked so bright and happy, I haven't felt like that since I woke up."

 _Fuck._

"Yes we fought but, if the picture is any clue... I was happy with you. Being loved by you."

 _I was too._

But he can't say it. He shouldn't. Max deserves better, Max needs better, not someone who can hardly give him freely what he needs, that can show affection and love. Someone who actually believes in all those things that Kai always knew where not his to give or receive.

But he did.

If Max tense shoulders and barely turned and shocked face is any indication, he said his last thought out loud.

 _Fuck._

"Kai?"

He clears his throat.

"I was happy too."

Max turns around, completely, and Kai feels all his defenses being overthrown by how bright the blue eyes of Max seem to shine with hope.

"Really?"

"Yes"

He should stop, he needs to stop, but he can't. Because with every affirmation, he can see the old Max returned. It is his bright big smile, his beautiful and clear eyes. For a tiny moment, they are together again.

"I want to be happy again."

 _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck…_

"Max."

"Don't you?"

 _Fuck._

"Yes."

This might not be his Max, but damn, he does hold the same power over him as the old one.


End file.
